speak your heart out. or not.

2011-08-08T17:44:00.002+07:00

udah lama banget gue nggak bertandang ke sini.
this place used to be my sanctuary, a place where i poured (almost) all of my emotions. yes, i indeed prefer(ed) writing things down instead of telling people of it. i dont know.. writing just helps me.. contemplate. while people, most of the time they're just so judgemental.

dan setelah 5 bulan berkhianat, di sini lah gue.
mungkin karena perasaan gue yang lagi terombang-ambing dengan hebatnya *tsah*

all i can say is that i'm hurt. i'm confused. i just don't know what to do. everyday feels so long..
i'm questioning 2nd chances. do people deserve it? if i forgive someone, then does that oblige me giving that 2nd chance?

i'm just so confused. i'm starting to question whether everything that happened was real or not.

back from Aceh!

2011-03-19T23:52:00.004+07:00

It was pretty amazing. Selalu senang rasanya mengunjungi suatu tempat yang baru, dengan suasana dan kebiasaan yang berbeda.
Misalnya dari hal-hal sederhana, seperti waktu sholat yang lebih lambat kurang lebih satu jam dari pada di jabodetabek dikarenakan matahari yang terbit dan tenggelam lebih lam (walaupun gue nggak menjalankan ibadah sholat, tetep aja menarik buat gue hehe) sampai keindahan pantai dan lautnya.

Anyways, on my previous post I mentioned that my travel to Aceh isn't just for attending ALSA's National General Assembly, but also for another purpose. Another "big step". And that is: candidating my self as ALSA Indonesia's President National Board.

How did it go?
To make it short: I didn't win.

But I know that I did give my best shot. I did make my fellow UI delegates proud. And I am content with it.

I know God has other plans for me, and He will never let me down. And not being elected as President of ALSA Indonesia is what He has chosen for me and He alone let it happened.
I'm staying positive here, and I wish Marializia Abdullah, my dearest friend, the very best luck in running ALSA Indonesia for the next 12 months :)

next trip!

2011-03-05T22:38:00.005+07:00

besok pagi saya akan berangkat ke aceh!
ya, aceh!
saya sangat bersemangat. it's gonna be fun and interesting. karena bukan sekedar di kota banda aceh, tapi saya akan ke pulau sabang. salah satu pulau terluar indonesia. satu lagi, saya akan memakai kerudung. kapan lagi coba? :D
selain excited dengan tempatnya, saya excited dengan apa yang akan saya lakukan nanti.
this is one of the hugest thing in my life so far that i'm gonna do. but i can't tell you now. i will, though, after i get back :)

aceh pasti akan sangat menyenangkan!

whatever the reason is..

2011-03-04T23:14:00.000+07:00

I miss you so much that I cry.

MARAH!

2011-03-04T19:54:00.000+07:00

i just wish i could. but somehow i cannot.

saya masih memikulnya.

2011-03-04T17:49:00.005+07:00

usaha

air mata, keringat, dan kerja keras. semua sudah saya berikan. saya berusaha untuk memenuhi standar yang sudah saya targetkan serta yang orang lain harapkan. tapi saya percaya, bahwa selain usaha yang datangnya dari tangan kita, ada hal-hal lain yang ikut berpengaruh terhadap apa yang disebut sebagai sebuah kesuksesan. apakah orang lain bisa melihat itu? apakah orang lain bisa untuk tidak menilai hasil akhir semata, tetapi melihat juga proses? apakah orang lain bisa melebarkan sedikit standar kesuksesan itu sendiri, dan tidak hanya terpaku pada satu aspek saja?

penyesalan

perasaan yang paling tidak enak. sungguh. saya bisa memaafkan orang lain. saya bisa melupakan kesalahan mereka. tapi kenapa begitu sulit memaafkan diri sendiri? seandainya saya bisa memutar balik waktu. seandainya ini dan seandainya itu. percuma.. semua sudah berlalu. kini saya hanya bisa menyesal. dan sejujurnya saya letih menyesal. saya sangat ingin memaafkan diri saya sendiri, tidak lagi memandang ke belakang.

"Cos making you feel better also makes me feel wonderful"

2011-01-28T19:04:00.000+07:00

sometimes i just wish i could speak out what i really feel inside.

2010-12-15T20:00:00.003+07:00

instead of saying that i'm okay with it.

before this day is over..

2010-12-08T23:38:00.007+07:00

a few months ago i wrote on my facebook status:
"some people build walls, not to keep others out but to see who cares enough to break them down"
that's exactly what i did for years.

it's funny that he was touched by that line. and when he read it he was at the point where he almost gave up on me & thought i was pushing him away. then he understood what i was doing, and kept going.

it's not that i wasn't happy before. it's just that now i feel another happiness i have long forgotten.
and i'm happy to know you're happy as well, simply because of me.

thank you, tantra josua pasaribu :)

merangkum rasa setahun.

2010-12-06T23:55:00.005+07:00

Desember.
Bulan terakhir dari tahun 2010, layaknya yang terakhir di tahun-tahun sebelumnya.
Saya merasa waktu berlalu sangat cepat.
Klise? Memang.

Perjalanan menuju hari-hari terakhir di tahun ini memaksa saya untuk merenungkan apa yang telah terjadi selama 11 bulan ke belakang. Manusia macam apa yang telah saya bangun dalam diri saya? Kehidupan seperti apa yang telah saya maknai? Dampak apa yang telah saya berikan kepada orang-orang di sekeliling saya?

Kehadiran berbagai orang, silih datang dan pergi. Pemikulan tanggung jawab-tanggung jawab. Pengambilan keputusan dan mencicipi kekecewaan. Emosi yang luluh lantak dan kemudian menari. Ketakutan lalu kebanggaan. Semua cita-cita yang tercapai, mimpi-mimpi yang tak tergenggam. Ambisi yang teratasi, dan keminderan yang tidak terbukti.

Saya berusaha menata setiap sisi kehidupan, mengelola pikiran dan perasaan agar sejalan. Berdoa dan bekerja. Maksiat lalu bertobat. Atau kembali pada kehidupan lama, tidak lepas dari segala nista dan noda. Mengisi relung kehampaan, mencari kebahagiaan. Menemukan lalu menjalankan.

Pujian dan cacian. Keluhan di depan dan omongan di belakang. Penghormatan lalu penginjakan. Dipandang sebelah mata, dan tidak dipandang sama sekali. Diagungkan. Dihindari. Dipajang bak hiasan cantik lalu dilipat rapi ke dalam lemari.

Banyak hal yang saya perbuat di masa lampau, di 11 bulan kemarin. Banyak hal yang saya tidak bangga akannya, namun saya tahu saya telah melaluinya. Bertahan. Belajar. Berubah.
Pembentukan, itu adalah proses. Untuk mencapai bentuk, itulah tujuan. Tanah liat harus dipencet dan ditekan untuk menjadi suatu benda yang apik dan berarti.
Tidak ada proses yang enak. Tidak ada proses yang mulus.

"Kelak bila kamu memandang ke belakang, kamu akan mengerti akan semua yang telah terjadi. Because life can only be understood when you play it backwards."

sharing some happiness :D

2010-11-09T23:27:00.000+07:00

I'm back! After several weeks not posting anything. And the reason is because I'm having like A LOT of assignments this semester.
Seriously, never had this much. It equals the number of assignments from my 1st-4th semester!
(Okay maybe I was exagerating but you get what my point is, huh?)

Anyways, what made me write a little something on my blog this night is because I feel like sharing my happiness.
All of my "galau-moments", the ones I've been writing for the past few weeks, has been payed off.
I was finally asked and have answered "yes", an answer I have never told for a very long time.

So, yeah. I'm with him now, and hopefully I won't be "galau" anymore :D

2010-10-09T22:26:00.004+07:00

Bila hening mampu menghantarkanmu padaku,
Bila kesendirian dan kesepian mengingatkanmu padaku,
dan jarak ini membawamu dekat..

..maka mungkin lebih baik seperti ini

apa itu ambisius?

2010-10-01T23:12:00.004+07:00

"dari mata lo keliatan banget gitu lo itu ambisius.."

hmm..
apa itu ambisi?
apa itu ambisius?
kenapa buat gue konotasinya negatif ya? apakah ambisius itu memang buruk?
ambisius sama nggak dengan knowing what you want to achieve?
ambisius itu lebih ke pemuasan dahaga akan jabatan & pembuktian eksistensi diri nggak sih?
terus, kalo ingin mencapai sesuatu simply karena lo emang punya passion terhadap hal itu, benar-benar kegiatan itu, organisasi itu, apapun, lantas disebutnya ambisius juga?

maybe it's time to let go someone I never even had.

2010-09-17T15:26:00.003+07:00

kayaknya gue lagi sering "ditampar" akhir-akhir ini. beneran deh.

pertama, beberapa hari yang lalu, di twitter, seorang teman me-RT sebuah tweet (oke kalimat gue mulai gak efektif) yang berbunyi: "it's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose someone you love with your useless pride."
apabila saudara-saudari membaca dan ingat sama posting-an saya beberapa hari yang lalu, pasti pada ngerti kenapa saya merasa tertampar dengan tweet ini.

kedua, tadi malam setelah gue men-stalk facebook seseorang yang menjadi subyek daripada posting-an gue akhir-akhir ini, dan, ya, gue tahu stalking itu nggak baik dan efeknya langsung gue rasakan saat itu juga, sakit hati menjalari perasaan gue. oke gue memang nggak tahu sih sebenernya kayak gimana, mungkin gue terlalu menyimpulkan, tapi yah.. udah terlanjur sakit hati dan sedih.

gue pun curhat sama room-mate gue, dan seperti biasa dia bisa sedikit memberikan gue positive thoughts tapi tetep aja, masih sedih sesedih-sedihnya deh gue.
gue lalu nge-tweet: "kalau aja, sesekali, hati bisa dibikin mati rasa..
lalu, jeng-jeng, di-RT oleh seseorang yang ternyata adalah adek saya si abe. fyi, abe tuh jarang banget nanggepin tweet-tweet galau nan labil gue. but last night he did, and it slapped me.
"nape lu? wah.. jangan-jangan lo dicampakkan ya?"

baiklah. pernyataan abe memang nggak sepenuhnya benar, dan nggak sepenuhnya salah juga (oke kayaknya curcol gue makin gak colongan ya, hemmm, whatever..) tapi, apa yah, he just made the pain i felt felt more real. ngerti kan? plis banget ngerti..

anyways, gue kemudian nge-bbm adek gue, diawali dengan emoticon :'( (nangis)
dan tahukah kamu apa tanggapan adek tersayang gue?

abe : i'm busy. besok aja.
gue : jahat lo be
(sumpah emang jahat banget bisa-bisanya dia ngomong gtu, apalagi nangis gue makin deres)
abe : sumpah PR gue numpuk banget. gw udah bisa tebak. he was toying you around. right? classic.

wah sumpah, sumpah. ke-blak-blak-an abe bener-bener bikin gue makin sedih. dan akhirnya gue pun curhat panjang lebar, dan abe nanggepin juga, lupa sama PR-nya kali ya, sampe gue ketawa-ketawa (karena masa adek gue ga ngerti arti kata "stalk"! i was like, doohh!) dan sampe akhirnya dia yang gantian curhat. oh well..

dan yang ketiga, tadi gue ngebuka blog-nya marry dan terdapat sebuah quote dari trisha yearwood (i don't know who she is) yang bilang: "what's meant to be will always find a way."
and i was like, tertohok tertohok dan tertohok.. (hey marry, if you're reading this, you're responsible too for making me feel this way! nah, just kidding.)

so anyways.. gue jadi berpikir aja. mungkin ini adalah, lagi, sebuah kegagalan. sesuatu yang emang belom waktunya aja. sesuatu yang nggak meant to be. hmmmm, atau bisa juga sih, gue yang terlalu ngambil kesimpulan. entah lah. gue sendiri jadi bingung maksud awal gue nulis ini semua apa. buat yang udah baca sampe sini, makasih banyak udah baca ya. dan maafkan kesampahan postingan-postingan gue, terutama akhir-akhir ini.

udah ah, gue ngomong kayak udah nggak akan nge-blog lagi. doakan saya yang terbaik ya teman!

after 5 months, so i did.

2010-09-17T00:22:00.001+07:00

It was only a few days ago I asked my self: when was the last time I cried?
Because it's been pretty much a while since I did. After recalling, I think the last tear I dropped was around April.

But this night I just did. And unbelievably, I cried over you.

this thing called pride.

2010-09-11T11:39:00.004+07:00

"lo orangnya gengsian, sih, ya.." ujar seorang teman saya tadi malam.

yes people, i am.

my motto: pride over everything. especially.. yeah, especially when it goes with love. with guys.

..while you're playing it cool.

i don't know. trying to act casual, maybe?

dengan gue yang punya gengsi selangit, dan lo yang sok cool, gue jadi berpikir..

is this ever going to get anywhere real?

while someone once told me, "sometimes you just got to throw your pride away.."

why it hurts

2010-09-08T13:04:00.001+07:00

i always love you being around me

i like the way you tease me,
then laugh innocently

i like the way you grab my hands,
and tickle me

i like the way you piss me off,
but then rub my head

i love how you look into my eyes

and i'm so touched when you show how much you care of your beloved ones

but it hurts,

to pretend,
to act casual,
to be "just friends"

and it hurts the most, when i don't know whether this is real or only a game to you..

writing in my escape.

2010-08-27T16:48:00.005+07:00

Hi, peeps!

It's been a while since I last write. I was just not being in the mood. Yeah, yeah. Me and my stupid mood. Anyways, now that I am, it's not really because my mood has came back. I'm just in need of escaping.

I was planning to spend all day being lazy, sleeping, reading or doing other stuffs alone when suddenly.. BAM! Someone/something stole it. So I went away. Searched for another place to enjoy my being-alone time.

Anyways. A lot of things are running inside my head now. School's starting like real soon. And I'm starting my program kekhususan, that is, Transnational Law. So I'm kind off excited but scared at the same time.

And that I'm planning something quite, well, big.. For my future in law school.. I can't tell what it is right now. But I will soon, when the time is right.
I'm currently also being, you can say, labil. It's this heart-to-do issue. Haha. Silly me. Just being confused all over again. I recently just realized how easy I become sympathetic with boys. Hem, I hope you don't get me wrong. It's just something about my self I just discovered.

By the way, if you remember the list I made during the first days of summer break, it's about things I wanna do. And from 9 things, I accomplished 7! The 2 things I failed fulfilling are: finishing some books I have and taking driving lessons. But, oh well, overall I'm glad with what I've done in the past 3 months :D

So, gotta be prepared for Monday!
I really, really wanna excel in the upcoming semester. I know I say this like in the every beginning of the new semester and end up having a gradated GPA, plus I make a lot of excuses for my self for failing to reach my targets. But, hey, this is what I've been waiting for since the beginning of my life in FH UI. Transnational Law!

So please, people, help me being alarmed of my goal this semester :D

tonite..

2010-07-31T17:10:00.001+07:00

OFF TO KOREA
23.30

zuper exzited!!!

Fresh Feeling

2010-07-10T00:48:00.004+07:00

One of my "goals" in this summer break is to watch some DVDs of serial movies I wanted to watch since long but didn't have the time to. One of it is "Chuck".

I love Chuck. He's this cute-geeky kinda guy that accidentally downloaded this top-secret government data into his brain and he's "dating" Sarah, this super hot secret agent. What I meant by "dating" is that they aren't really dating, because it's just a cover. And, yes people, as you can guess they turn out to have real feelings for each other. But of course, Sarah wouldn't admit it.

In episode 8, Chuck finally got fed up with this girlfriend-boyfriend cover with Sarah. Especially after she told him that their relationship isn't going anywhere real. So he decided to "break-up" with Sarah.

"The longer we go, the longer we keep trying to fool people into believing that we're a real couple.. The person I keep fooling the most.. Is me.."

And while he was saying that, the background music was Fresh Feeling by Eels. And I don't know why I just loved the lines and the song. I just can't get both out of my head. So currently I'm addicted to this song, I'm listening to it over and over again.

You don't have a clue
what it is like to be next to you
I'm here to tell you
that it is good, that it is true

Birds singing a song, old paint is peeling
this is that fresh, that fresh feeling
words can't be that strong, my heart is reeling
this is that fresh, that fresh feeling

Try, try to forget what's in the past
tomorrow is here
love, orange sky above, lighting your way
there's nothing to fear

Birds singing a song, old paint is peeling
this is that fresh, that fresh feeling
words can't be that strong, my heart is reeling
this is that fresh, that fresh feeling

Some people are good
babe in the hood, so pure and so free
I'd make a safe bet
you're gonna get whatever you need

Birds singing a song, old paint is peeling
this is that fresh, that fresh feeling
words can't be that strong, my heart is reeling
this is that fresh, that fresh feeling

That fresh feeling
This is that fresh feeling

midnight chit chat

2010-07-06T01:06:00.001+07:00

"Si X tuh suka nanyain lo ke dia tapi dia gatau perasaan X ini gimana sama lo!"

an obvious sign.

2010-07-05T19:02:00.005+07:00

Lucu.
You're playing cool in front of me. Tapi di belakang, ternyata, lo masih nanyain gue juga. Sampe nelfon temen gue segala.

Why aren't you expressing anything to me? I need a sign. An obvious one. Because right when I thought that it isn't me, she told me that you called just to ask things about me.
Why are you not trying to get to know me from me myself?
I'm old fashioned about this. I'm the girl. I don't want to be the one who's making the moves too much.

So prove it, IF you're really into me (as you said)

i am my own comfort zone.

2010-07-05T14:26:00.010+07:00

"Ikut gue aja sil, daripada lo sendirian..!"

Well.. What's the problem of being alone?
Sejujurnya gue sangat menikmati kesendirian. I can do whatever I want to do without being worried that I'll make someone bored to death waiting for me doing something. Or worried about how quiet/boring I am/could be when I'm around someone. Or worried with other stuffs.

Being alone gives me space to think. To contemplate. To feel. To dream. To enjoy my own existance.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't have any friends. Or I don't like seing people or being around them. I do have friends. And I enjoy spending time with them too. With real close friends. Because I often become quiet and prefer to be the listener when I'm in the middle of a bunch of not-so-close people.

Lonely?
Well that's another feeling. Nope.. I don't feel lonely when I'm alone. When you enjoy being alone, then you won't feel lonely. And when you don't enjoy being in the middle of a bunch of people, you'd feel lonely anyway.

So, yeah. i enjoy being alone. And therefore I don't feel lonely. it's simply the way I am :D
:D

college boy

2010-07-04T17:15:00.006+07:00

Sebut gue lebay, atau apalah..
Tapi gue bener-bener terharu akhirnya adik cowok gue satu-satunya, Abraham Madison Manurung, akhirnya akan memulai dunia perkuliahan besok!
Yes, the new college boy! Fakultas MIPA IPB, jurusan statistik. Sekolah statistik terbaik di Indonesia (according to my dad).

Walaupun di IPB, Abe akan tinggal di asrama dan bukan di rumah. Hari ini gue dengan nyokap dan bokap ngaterin dia pindahan. And I'm excited that he's going to be in a new world. And it's not only because it's college world, but also because he's going out from his comfort zone. For 14 years, that is from kindergarden until high school, he's been going to 1 school only: Regina Pacis Bogor.

So, yeah, I'm glad that he's going to have to face this challenge. Adapting, having new friends, holding new responsibilities and everything. He's finally going to face the real world!

So good luck my no-longer-lil-bro!
Do well there :)

5 days in heaven

2010-06-26T20:37:00.011+07:00

I miss writing..!

And I do have something to write about: just got back from Bali 2 nights ago. What a nice trip it was. A vacation I was longing for, getting away a little far from Bogor, Depok, or Jakarta.

It was a family vacation. My dad had this meeting in Bali, and after his meeting's over, my mom and Joe flew off last Thursday. Abe had his prom night on Friday and Rae had her graduation on Saturday so they both took off on Saturday evening. I had another thing to do on Saturday night so I was the last one to go on Sunday afternoon.

We stayed in this Hotel at Nusa Dua, Nusa Dua Beach Hotel and Spa. Most of the visitors who stayed were expatriates from Australia. Young newlyweds on their honeymoon, or old couples going on a vacation. The hotel was nice, our room was near to the beach. At nights, I get to sit at the terrace and feel the smell of salty air and listen to the waves thumping with a big wide starry sky above.

There were some interesting places we visited. We went to Jimbaran for dinner (twice) where the seafood was pretty good and the tables were actually on the seashore. Also to Ubud, where great handcrafts are produced and displayed and galleries. Then Kintamani, it's like the puncak of Bali where you can see the Batur and Agung mountain. There was also Waterblow, a place where you can actually stand on this wooden bridge and it's on these coral reefs, and anytime there'll come this big wave that hits the reef it will splash on it and the water will pour upon you. We also enjoyed the hotel's sauna and jacuzzi treatment and also went for souvenirs shopping. On our very last day, I woke up at like 5 o'clock to see the sunrise. It was absolutely wonderful.

One thing I enjoyed the most in Bali is my engagement with nature. That engagement, every nature-with-engagement I've ever been with, has bring me to the thought and realization on how small we humans are. When I stand at the beach and throw my eyes to the endless water above me, or when I'm watching thousands of stars twinkling upon me, it came to my mind, "Wow! You're just so small, Priscilla. You're like a tiny dot, here on earth."

Well, it is grateful to me, though, that given the fact that I am --we are-- a little dot in earth but have the ability to see, understand, and feel the wonders of what's in front of me. No single drop of water, no single tree, or star above has the magic to do so. How blessed it is to be alive, a thinking-living human, among other great masterpieces of God's work.

the hotel

the Jimbaran dinner

monkey forest, Ubud

waterblow

sunrise

-

2010-06-14T17:55:00.000+07:00

Pegunungan menyembunyikan warnanya,
meredup ditiup pergi sang bola merah yang hendak merapat pada pangkuan
Langit melukiskan jejaknya
Dan ia menarik rapat kehangatan siang
Membiarkan pepohonan menunduk malu

Semua karenanya..

what circle is this?

2010-06-14T09:07:00.004+07:00

i like you. but you like her. while she likes him. and my bestie likes him.

you put a smile on my face

2010-06-11T20:04:00.001+07:00

Funny.
It was really nice to know that you're excited to see me :)
Coz I'm feeling the same way yoo, though I won't admit it..

it's what i feel, not what you see

2010-06-06T11:26:00.001+07:00

Just because I'm not stretching my hands out means I don't want to be hugged.
Just because I'm not crying means I'm not sad.
Just because I'm smiling and laughing doesn't mean I'm not aching inside.

Just because I'm not screaming out my feelings doesn't mean I have none.

a sudden pop-out feeling

2010-06-05T18:10:00.001+07:00

I'm aware of this feeling. I'm kinda familiar with it.
I just haven't feel it for a quite long time.

Yes. Jealous.

2010-05-31T15:25:00.005+07:00

everyday is about waiting.. a hello from you just to make me get those tingles.

..so can i have another hello?

lazy hazy fun exciting summer!

2010-05-28T13:32:00.002+07:00

Oh wow my 4th semester is officially over! Wohooo!
And now I'm free from those college routines. Seriously, that 4th semester was crazy as hell! Plus, I'm not takin any classes for this "semester pendek". I'm so fed up with law books for now. I don't understand those friends of mine who're taking a lot of credits for next SP. Don't you guys need a break? Fufu. Besides.. I want a completely fresh brain for my 5th semester because in taht semester I'll be officially majoring International Law!

Anyways, I have planned a few things to do this summer. So I won't be completely doing nothing (coz that would be boring), those are:
1. I'll be volunteering in some upcoming campus events
2. Going to bandung! Never had time to go and really enjoy bandung. And soon I will :) :)
3. Hunting to pasar senen!! Gosh I've been waiting for myself to have time to go there. Finally I will have plenty of time. And my sister, Jo, is as excited as I am to hunt some stuffs there :D
4. Reading those poor books of mine that have been sitting on my bookshelves for ages, untouched. There are: "Eat, Pray, Love", "Her Way: The Hopes and Ambitions of Hillary Rodham Clinton", Tan Malaka's "Madilog", "The Alchemyst", "Lovely Bones", and many more!
5. Watching DVDs!!! I'm being sooo left out on several TV series like Gossip Girl, Heroes, Chuck, Grey's Anatomy, Glee, etc etc. I'll be staying long in front of TV now :D
6. Taking driving lessons (again)! And this time with the driving license package!
7. I think my dad mentioned something about Bali.. or Lombok.. Hmm hmmm, hopelfully my dad's planning something out!
8. Fund rising, of course, for my next trip to Korea.
9. KOREAAA! Can't can't wait for Koreaaa :)

Ah this summer is going to be so much funnnnn!

Abe, Jos, and Rae

2010-05-23T16:15:00.003+07:00

Gue punya 3 adik. Mereka semua unik. Mereka bertiga ngasih warna dalam kehidupan gue engan cara yang berbeda-beda. Gue pengen cerita dikit tentang mereka, habis gue lagi bosen banget. (oke gue seharusnya belajar either lingkungan, agra, atau HAPTUN, but oh well..) and I just feel like writing something :)
Dan mereka akan menjadi topik gue pada sore ini. So please be introduced to:

Abraham Madison Manurung

We call him Abe (baca: 'Eib', tapi gue memulai memanggilnya dengan 'A-Be' beberapa tahun yang lalu). Jos dan Rahel manggilnya "Bang Abe" (Eib). Bokap gue manggilnya "Abe" (Eib). Gue dan nyokap manggilnya "A-be". Nama depannya diambil dari Alkitab (oh well, nama gue dan semua adik gue juga dari Alkitab) yang artinya "Bapak segala Bangsa". Sedangkan nama tengahnya adalah nama kota tempat dia dilahirkan, yaitu ibokota negara bagian Wisconsin. Gue pernah bikin postingan khusus tentang Abe. Singkatnya, di antara ade-ade gue yang lain gue paling CS-an sama dia. Umur yang cuma beda 1 tahun 8 bulan membuat gue deket sama dia. Tumbuh bareng, berantem bareng, main bareng (i used to force him playing Barbie with me), curhat tentang cewek/cowok, kongkalikong ngadepin bokap-nyokap. Abe deh pokoknya! Orangnya nggak bakat ngelucu. Tapi selalu pengen cerita sesuatu yang lucu. Jatohnya jadi garing. Tapi saking garingnya, akhirnya orang-orang ketawa juga. He dreams to be an NBA player. And he's a math and physics freak. Kebalikan gue banget deh yang IPS total. And he plays the violin, guitar, piano, and a little bit of drums. Kalo gue bukan kakaknya, say just a random girl from his school, gue pasti naksir berat sama Abe. But I solemnly swear I'll never tell him that.

Josephina Mendota Manurung
Panggilannya Jos. Or Jo. Or Joey (dari Rahel). Di sekolah dipanggilnya Ochep (-___-). Nama tengahnya diambil dari sebuah danau deket rumah keluarga gue dulu pas tinggal di Madison. Lake Mendota. Artinya "sunset". Pretty romantic. Si Jos ini tipe-tipe yang cantik-agak lemot. Sumpah lemotnya parah! Dan sering banget nyeletuk sesuatu yang, entah kenapa, selalu terdengar lucu. Jadi, kebalikannya Abe, nggak niat ngelucu, tapi omongannya lucu banget membuat terpingkal-pingkal. Tapi di balik kelemotannya itu, Jos itu sangat dewasa untuk anak seumurannya. Karena dia sekarang udah kelas 2 SMP, jadi udah bisa diajak curhat dan mintain pendapat tentang cowok *haha tetep*. Hobinya yang suka jalan-jalan ke mall sama temen-temennya itu menurut nyokap gue disebabkan karena 2 hari sebelom dia dilahirkan, nyokap gue jalan-jalan ke mall. Entahlah.. Oh iya, si Jos yang bedanya 5 tahun sama gue ini masa udah setinggi gue, coba?! *gak terima* Bakat Jos di bidang kerajinan tangan. Kata nyokap, Jos itu "rada nyeni" anaknya.. Cita-cita Jos sangat sederhana: cepet nikah dan jadi ibu rumah tangga. Yah, asal jangan ngeduluin gue aja yak!

Rahel Olivia Manurung
Dulu keluarga gue selalu manggilnya "Rahel" aja karena "Ra" atau "Hel" rasa-rasanya kentang. Until I invented "Achel" and "Rae" from "Rachel". Gue sangat ingat hari saat Rahel lahir, kita yang sama-sama masih SD pulang ke rumah dan mendapat kabar dari mbak gue kalo nyokap udah melahirkan. Pas tau yang lahir cewek, Abe seketika nangis. Hahaha. Anyways, we went to the hospital that evening and figured that baby was stil nameless. Dan gue dengan kepolosan anak 3 SD nyeletuk "Namain 'Rahel' aja.. Aku tadi abis belajar tokoh itu di pelajaran agama.." And holla! Rahel it is. Sebagai anak paling bungsu, memang dia sedikit manja dan egois. Di umurnya yang udah 12 hampir 13 tahun, kerjaannya masih nonton Disney Channel setiap pulang sekolah dan masih bocah banget deh kelakuannya. Rae is the clown in the family. Dia bisa cerita macem-macem dan membuat orang ketawa karenanya. Udah gitu suka "sotoy" dan "seenak jidat". Ini cuplikan beberapa percakapan gue dan Rahel:

Rae: "Kak Pris, kenapa belom tidur? Kamu kayak nokturnal, jam segini masih bangun.."
Gue: "Ha? Apaan tuh?"
Rae: "Binatang yang nggak tidur di malam hari.."
Gue: *%^+_?@!

atau

Rae: "Ka Pris, pijitin aku dong. This is an order! I'm not begging!"
Gue: "$#&^)*!>?

atau

Rae: "Kak Pris yang baik.."
Gue: *melirik curiga dari balik BB*
Rae: "Harus ya smsannya pake 2 jari?"
Gue: *semakin curiga*
Rae: "Pijitin aku dong???"

Yeah Rahel itu paling seneng dipijitin sama digaruk-garuk punggungnya, sehingga setiap gue pulang ke rumah dan tidur di samping dia (I dont have my own room in the new house, remember?) pasti gue ngelonin dia tidur dengan either ngegaruk pelan punggungnya atau dipijitin. Rahel ini anaknya pintar, selalu 10 besar tanpa banyak belajar. Tapi suka ngerasa banget kalo pintar.. "I am a smart girl, you know.." Itu yang sering dia bilang. Gue sering jengkel sama dia, tapi kalo ga ada dia sepi juga..

Yah.. begitulah sekilas tentang ketiga adik gue.. I love them much, even I dont say it out loud. So grateful to have you guys :D

and after a week has gone..

2010-05-22T23:42:00.004+07:00

"dia bilang.. lo sangat menarik.. intinya dia pengen deket sama lo.."

*blush*

still so excited!

2010-05-16T15:11:00.003+07:00

I have told Tante Jenny that I'm going to Korea next August. she's as excited as i am :) :)
I'll meet her and Soo Jin and om Moon Sik.. at Korea! please come soon, August.

summer in Korea would absolutely be fun :)

my next travel..

2010-05-16T00:48:00.001+07:00

I got selected!
I'm going to Korea next August!!!
Oh, I so much can't wait!!! :D :D :D
Hope all the preparation will go fine.

Thank you, Jesus :)

we'll see..

2010-05-14T23:19:00.001+07:00

One of my best friends is trying to fix me up with one of her friends.
Well.. he's kind off cute, makes funny jokes, doesn't smoke, pray before he eats, goes to church, shy, and humble.
Pretty much my kind of guy.
Don't know where this may go.. Just gotta enjoy it, I guess :)

it's coming..!

2010-05-14T18:13:00.002+07:00

any students' most hated moment:

FINAL EXAMS

just a few days away. wish me very very good luck. i'm so scared of failing subjects in this semester :(

no such thing as coincidence :)

2010-05-08T18:39:00.003+07:00

gee..
even years before we really met, before we really know each other.. you were playing that saxophone and while i was on the pianica. playing the same song. together.

secretly liking..

2010-05-07T15:59:00.002+07:00

It's not a secret anymore that you secretly like me.
But what the real secret is that I secretly like you back..
:)

love my mom so much!

2010-05-05T17:27:00.004+07:00

it's been a long time since i last posted. it's not that i don't have anything to write. i actually have loads to tell. but i'm kind off being slaved by my assignments and everything. yes, life is being so hectic.

anyway, 3 days ago was my mom's birthday.. she's 46 now.
a few days before my mom's birthday, i got in this trouble. unintended.. but yeah, trouble. pretty big and i finally had my mom involved because i couldn't solve it by my self. i cried a lot, and as long as i remember i have never cried on the phone (because I'm at depok and she's at bogor) that much to her. i was (am!) grateful because she was very supportive. she didn't deny that i did mistakes, but she helped me out with solutions.
honestly, i was never this opened with her about troubles i'm facing. i usually kept my problems for my self, didn't want to share it with her. most likely because i just don't feel like telling. uncomfort.
but this time, i shared it with her. and, yes, she turned out to be my angel. it made me more grateful to God that i have my mama. my superhero. my motivator. she really is everything.
she's the one i know i can turn to, to go home.

on her 46th birthday, i couldn't give anything else but a hug and an "i-love-you-ma"..
there just no other words to say nor describe my gratefulness. she truly is a gift from God.

kebebasan beribadah di Indonesia. have a look!

2010-04-24T23:48:00.012+07:00

MAJELIS JEMAAT GEREJA KRISTEN INDONESIA
Jl. Pengadilan No.35 Bogor 16121 Telp/Fax 0251-8327857
www.gkibogor.or.id email: gkibgr@cbn.net.id

BERITA KEPRIHATINAN & UNDANGAN PELIPUTAN

Kami Berduka!

“Setiap orang bebas memeluk agama dan beribadat menurut agamanya [...]”
(Pasal 28 E ayat 1 UUD 1945)

“Setiap orang berhak bebas dari perlakuan yang bersifat diskriminatif atas dasar apa pun dan berhak
mendapatkan perlindungan terhadap perlakuan yang bersifat diskriminatif itu”
(Pasal 28 I ayat 2 UUD 1945),

“Negara menjamin kemerdekaan tiap-tiap penduduk untuk memeluk agamanya masing-masing dan
untuk beribadat menurut agamanya dan kepercayaan itu”
(Pasal 29 ayat 2 UUD 1945),

”Perlindungan, pemajuan, penegakan, dan pemenuhan hak asasi manusia adalah tanggung jawab
negara, terutama pemerintah”
(Pasal 28 I ayat 4 UUD 1945)

Berdasarkan itu, kami umat Gereja Kristen Indonesia Jalan Pengadilan 35 Bogor, menyatakan berduka atas pelanggaran Hak Asasi yang terjadi di Negara ini khususnya tentang Perampasan Hak –Hak Kebebasan beribadah menurut agamanya dan Sikap Diskriminatif Pemerintah Kota Bogor terhadap Jemaat GKI Jalan Pengadilan 35 Bogor.

Bahwa sesuai dengan peraturan perundang-undangan yang ada, dan berdasarkan SK Walikota Bogor Nomor 654.8-372 tahun 2006 tentang Izin Mendirikan Bangunan bagi rumah ibadah kami di Taman Yasmin Kota Bogor yang telah mempunyai kekuatan hukum yang tetap namun Pemerintah Kota Bogor cq Satpol PP telah Menyegel, merusak paksa kunci gerbang rumah ibadah kami dan menggantinya dengan kunci gerbang milik mereka sehingga praktis itu berarti Negara cq Pemda kota Bogor cq satpol PP, dengan kekuasaan yang dipraktikkannya secara sewenang-wenang dan secara melawan hukum, 2
telah merampas bukan hanya kemerdekaan beribadah kami namun juga merusak dan merampas hak kepemilikan kami atas tanah dan bangunan yang sah menurut hukum.

Oleh karenanya, kami, mewakili Jemaat Gereja Kristen Indonesia Jalan Pengadilan 35 Bogor, akan mengadakan Aksi Keprihatinan dalam Kedukaan kami atas segala perlakuan yang kami terima di atas, pada:
Hari : Minggu, 25 April 2010
Waktu : 08.00 WIB
Tempat : di lokasi pembangunan rumah ibadah kami di Jalan K. H. R. Abdullah bin Muhammad Nuh. (dh. Lingkar Luar Bogor Taman Yasmin Bogor)

Kami berharap, semoga aksi damai keprihatinan dan kedukaan kami ini dapat mengingatkan perangkat Negara di tingkat daerah dan pusat untuk selalu memastikan bahwa Indonesia, negeri dimana kami lahir, hidup dan mungkin akan menutup mata nantinya, yang adalah negeri kita bersama ini, akan selalu
menjadi rumah yang ramah dan aman bagi semua warga negaranya tanpa terkecuali, dalam hidup dan keyakinan beragamanya.

Bogor, 23 April 2010

Majelis Jemaat Gereja Kristen Indonesia
Jalan Pengadilan 35 Bogor

Informasi lebih lanjut dapat menghubungi:

Bapak Tomas Wadu Dara (081316195930)
Bapak Jayadi Damanik (081383259748)

kebaktian Minggu di pinggir trotoar (11 April 2010)

(originated from Kris Hidayat's facebook note: "kami berduka.. dukung dan doakan kami.."

inquiries laying inside

2010-04-22T22:50:00.010+07:00

okay. so here it is. ALSA ECOMP is over.
for you who don't know.. i lived and devoted my past 7 months for it. i wake up every morning, thinking "what ecomp stuff i need to do today?" and every night with short-hard sleeps because of ecomp. i laughed a lot as i cried because of it. i met a lot of people, and discovered even deeper some people i (thought) i knew. i found out who i can really count on, and those who will just take me low. i realized more about my strengths, and moreover: my weaknesses.
and after everything is finally over.. at the end.. i dont know. frankly saying, i am confused. i wasn't that "relieved" at the closing. i might have not fulfilled the expectations of some people. i might have dissapointed them. i know i could've done better. and i dont know.. am i being too hard on my self? am i being so ungrateful? am i being hard to please?
there's just something missing. the lost last piece of puzzle to make the whole picture beautiful and complete.
but what is it?

what is it?

the 14th ALSA National English Competition 2010

2010-04-21T20:36:00.002+07:00

ALSA E-COMP 2010 IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!

thanks to Jesus Christ and to all the committees. you guys are great!

love you :)

in 24 hours..

2010-04-19T22:45:00.001+07:00

i'll get my normal life back :D

but did I ever have one?

surrounded by angels!

2010-04-09T20:53:00.003+07:00

it's been a crazy week. i'm being so emotional and sentimental.. but i try to keep positive here..
people around me are great. my best friends, they're there to give a hug (it means a lot. really!). some people are volunteering to help. people who keeps praying for this. and my mom, who's also helping through funding and prayers as well.

it's amazing!

Jesus bless you all :)

no escape.

2010-04-06T20:44:00.000+07:00

Sometimes I just want to be selfish for a while..
Only. For. A while.

it hurts to see you in pain.

2010-04-04T16:47:00.001+07:00

"Dulu saya punya cita-cita lihat kau wisuda.."
Ia mengatakannya sambil merangkul erat bahu saya.
Saya tidak bisa menahan air mata. Linangan air segera membasahi kedua pipi saya. Mata saya panas. Tapi saya tidak mau ia tahu saya menangis. Saya ingin terlihat kuat. Saya ingin dia cepat sembuh dan tau bahwa saya kuat untuk mendukungnya.
"Iya, pung.." Hanya itu yg bisa saya ucapkan. Menahan getir suara.
"Makanya, opung harus cepet sembuh di Cina sana!"
"Kamu juga ya cepat selesai kuliahnya.."

let them talk and i watch

2010-04-04T13:17:00.003+07:00

It's kind off frustrating to see these grown ups raise their voice talking about how he would die. and what to do with body after-wards.

13 days to go

2010-04-02T12:49:00.002+07:00

IT'S APRIL ALREADY!!!!!!

I feel like hanging my self on a rope.

can't breathe..

2010-03-31T16:42:00.003+07:00

when everything seemed to look smooth, suddenly..

JENG JENG!

ALSA ECOMP ON AIR

2010-03-30T00:05:00.001+07:00

88.4 fm
Selasa, 30 maret 2010
13.00 - 14.00

17 days left!

the optimism of theirs.

2010-03-28T00:25:00.003+07:00

on the bed in that room was scattered many kinds medicines and multivitamins. but "you all, my grandchildren, are our most excellent medicine!" my opung boru said followed with opung doli's laughter as she hugged and kissed my sisters and me.
they were sitting on the edge of the bed with my aunt (mom's eldest sister) and my mom's cousin who's a doctor, trying to sort out all those tiny pills people had gave them out to help opung doli.
opung boru is still very cheerful and talkative, and opung doli, as it's his nature to remain calm, didn't look like an old man with a cancer and 5 months of life left verdict. both of them are fresh and optimistic.
she even remembered about ecomp and asked me how its going.

a few minutes after, some of our relatives arrived to see opung. one of them told opung doli that a happy heart is the most important. my opung doli instantly said that her wife is what makes his heart happy. the whole living room laughed and my opung boru's face blushed while she was laughing too.

by the time we were about to go back, opung boru said "we haven't gave you a present for your birthday!"
they never forgot to give me "a birthday present" which is always, as far as I remember, an amount of money transfered to my bank account.
but this year I tottaly don't expect anything bacause they've must spent a lot for their treatment in penang. so I immediately said, "ah opung, seeing you both are well is the perfect present.."
I gave them both a kiss on the cheeks and left, trying not to cry.

It' amazing to see them remaining the same in this kind of situation.
I'm touched by their optimism and faith to keep living. again I'm learning something from both of them..

unready if you leave

2010-03-27T07:17:00.001+07:00

the doctor said that he only has 5 months left. 2 years if the chemotheraphy is taken.
but he refused, though. something I'm not surprised of..

5 months.. meaning this august?
what about seing me graduating?
what about seing me getting married?
what about our plan to celebrate his golden anniversary with grandma?

I can't imagine him leaving forever.
I can't imagine not seing him coming for christmas from papua anymore.
I can't imagine how lonely she'll be when he's gone.
by writting this only has made me very sad. I don't think anyone of us is ready to lose him..

weepy me

2010-03-24T21:34:00.002+07:00

I'm being too sensitive lately. Waaay too sensitive.
This morning, after my mom called, I cried. I miss my mom and my family so much.
Now that's weird because not only I've never missed them so much that I cried like I just did this morning, but also I have just met them like 3 days ago!

I cried when I got back to my kosan, while I was laying on my bed while listening to this gospel song from ka fisel's casette. I don't know I just did.
Then I cried again while I was texting my grandpa who's in penang now for his cancer treatment. He just got this lung cancer verdict a week ago and it made me totally sad.
And he's also a bit upset with his latest condition, so that's why I texted him saying how much I love and miss him and cheered him up, but ironically I cried while doing so.
See? 3 times a day. Gosh, I don't know why I'm being so weepy.

officialy 20

2010-03-18T21:11:00.001+07:00

doakan saya semakin dewasa, kuat, dan bertanggung jawab.

personality disorder rating

2010-03-15T23:09:00.002+07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

H-1 bulan

2010-03-15T22:37:00.003+07:00

yes..
it is. argh!

i'm not sure whether i want this to get over soon or not. if i do, well honestly i'm not sure i am prepared already.
but if i don't, gosh i'm pretty frustrated already!

i know i'm not suppose to worry. i mean, as it's taugh in my belief, we who believe shall not be drown in negative thoughts and worries cos God provides.

amen.

i just knew it.

2010-03-12T16:54:00.002+07:00

get well soon..

them..

2010-03-10T20:28:00.002+07:00

one is starting to partying.
one is still not moving on from the ex.
one is (again) having a new one.

-

2010-03-10T19:50:00.002+07:00

hening menggertak
lelah meraja
ragaku bukan kekuasanku
bagaimana mungkin ketiadaan dapat terasa begitu ada
rasio terbang
imajinasi,
biar ia bermain sendiri
meniti tempat di antara sela-sela otak
biarkan jiwa berontak
dari belenggu setan-setan itu

biarkan jalan keluar terbuka baginya..

where's the sparks?

2010-03-05T16:27:00.001+07:00

the sparks are slowly.. fading.
sigh. again and again :(

o three o three

2010-03-03T15:46:00.006+07:00

cerita baru di hari ketiga bulan ketiga.

sebuah bank menghubungi gue, menyatakan ketertarikannya pada ECOMP, dan menyebutkan sebuah nominal yang, buat gue, cukup tinggi. dia nanya dengan nominal segitu kontraprestasi yang dia dapet apa aja.

seneng banget!

God is so good.
all the time God is good.

HELLO MARCH!

2010-03-02T17:30:00.005+07:00

hari pertama di bulan maret dibuka dengan sangat indah. satu perusahaan minyak asing telah mengkonfirmasi kesediaannya untuk menjadi sponsor di ECOMP 2010. gue inget banget, gue lagi di kantin saat candace nelfon dan ngasih kabar itu. gue langsung jijingkrakan di kantin! literally. loncat-loncat dengan ga tau malunya hahaha. habis, gue seneng banget. akhirnya, dari semua sponsor yang lagi nego, ada juga yang fix! yuhuuuuu :D

kemudian malamnya gue bertemu dengan PJ publikasi ECOMP, dia bilang ke gue kalo sebuah stasiunTV swasta ternama menghubungi dia dan sepertinya tertarik untuk menjadi media partner. waaa semoga semoga semogaaaa!

gue bertambah optimis kalo ECOMP akan terpenuhi kebutuhan dananya. registrasi juga udah mulai dibuka. i've been waiting for this, karena pemasukan ECOMP yang paling gede adalah dari uang registrasi. semoga kuota-nya penuh.. cross my heart.

kemudian hari ini, hari kedua bulan maret, gue diajakin jadi penerima tamu sebuah acara launching buku oleh suatu lawfirm. yang ngajak sih bilang, "ya gue gatau sih, sil, bakal dibayar apa nggak. tapi kalopun nggak dibayar ya seenggaknya lo dapet link ke lawfirm gitu, kan?"

hear, hear.

jadilah hari ini gue mengorbankan kuliah hukum lingkungan, one of my favorite subject this semester, untuk bangun pagi-pagi menempuh jalanan jakarta yang macet dengan taksi dan transjakarta untuk sampai ke hotel century di senayan jam 9 pagi.

thank God, i got paid pretty high for being an usher and i also got a few links.
lumayan banget duit ECOMP nambah senilai kurang lebih 5x jualan. yeah! :D

kemudian sesampainya gue di depok, gue mengakses internet dan teringat akan email ECOMP yang udah agak lama nggak gue buka. dan gue sangat gembira mendapati suatu email dari sebuah bank yang cukup besar, menyatakan mereka tertarik pada ECOMP dan ngajak ketemuan untuk ngomongin beberapa hal. super senaaaaang :D

kemudian co-convener II ECOMP nelfon dan bilang kalo kita udah bisa deal sama sebuah stasiun radio jakarta-bandung. kita dikasih 30 spot, for free. cool!

this march, i hope, will be a good month for ECOMP. and for me too. i'm turning 20 in 15 days (dooh). hoping to be wiser. and hoping that ECOMP will gain enough money. surplus, of course, will be much better ;)

so many to be worried about.

2010-02-23T19:11:00.002+07:00

haaaah. gila.
kehidupan kampus gue mulai gila.

ya tugasnya. ya acara-acaranya. ya politiknya.

edan. mulai panas.

menghitung hari.

2010-02-22T20:57:00.003+07:00

dalam 7 hari, maret tiba.

dalam 23 hari, gue akan berumur 20 tahun.

dalam 52 hari, ECOMP dimulai.

quick highschool trip.

2010-02-21T19:52:00.005+07:00

sabtu kemarin gue kembali ke SMA gue tercinta: SMA Negeri 2 Bogor.
dalam rangka apa? dalam rangka nganterin invitation E-COMP dong *teteuup*

going back to your high school is always fun, you know. meeting the teachers, the satpam, the juniors. everything!

gue sendirian dan gue senang.

pas gue nyampe depan gerbang sekolah, Pak Goeltom yang sesungguhnya staff TU tapi entah kenapa sedang berada di pos satpam saat itu, langsung mengenali gue.
"eh kamu, apa kabar?" dengan aksen sunda yang kental. "kuliah di mana sakarang? oh, di UI? Undar-Indir, nyak? hahaha!" mondar mandir, maksudnya. zz

setelah ngobrol-ngobrol, gue langsung ke TU ngasih invitation. gue lalu menelusuri lorong sekolah yang dulu adalah tempat gue dengan teman-teman duduk dan ngobrol-ngobrol. gue ngelewatin kelas XI IPS 1, the best class ever. dari luar gue bisa melihat banyak anak berseragam putih-abu sedang belajar.

sesampainya di ruang guru, gue bertemu wali kelas XII gue. one of the best teachers. one of the ones i respect the most: Bu Avy. beliau langsung berseru kaget, "eh, sisil?!" lalu gue salim dan cipika-cipiki sama beliau. terus ada guru-guru yang lain, jadi gue salim semua aja. beberapa inget sama gue, beberapa nggak.
jadi muncul lah pertanyaan-pertanyaan, seperti:
"kamu teh angkatan berapa ya?"
"oh, kamu teh di bawahnya si anu? oh, di atasnya.."
dst..

lalu gue bertemu Ibu Gusti, guru matematika kelas XI gue. beliau ini lucu banget. udah sekitar 4 kali gue balik ke SMANDA dan ketemu beliau, 4 kali pula gue selalu disodorin pertanyaan yang sama. jadi pas Ibu Gusti muncul, otomatis coundown timer dalam otak gue berjalan. 3.. 2.. 1..
"sisil teh sekarang kuliah di mana?"
"UI, bu.."
"oohh! jurusan apa?"
"hukum.."
"kamu teh PMDK, kan?"
"iya, bu.."

menn. selalu pertanyaan yang sama dengan urutan yang sama -____________-

terus gue ketemu Ibu PJ alias Ibu Panjaitan. beliau guru kimia gue kelas X dan salah satu guru yang dulu rada maksa supaya gue masuk IPA. bahkan kemaren masih dibahas. pas bu suk (Ibu Sukmawati, dipanggil begitu karena, biasalah, beliau kurang disukai oleh kami-kami saat itu) nanya gue dulu IPA ato IPS, Ibu PJ menjawab, "dia mah IPS. tapi nilai IPA-nya pantes banget waktu itu masuk IPA. ya, sil? kamu mah aturan masuk IPA aja dulu.. ah tapi dia sih keras kepala, mau masuk HI soalnya."

zzz

anyways, beberapa guru memuji gue.
"tambah cantik kamu.."
"alhamdullillahh.."

beberapa nggak.
"muka kamu teh cape amat? jadi keliatan lebih dewasa.."
"lebih tua, maksudnya?" *dalam hati, sih*

setelah kurang lebih setengah jam di dalam ruang guru, ngobrol sana ngobrol sini, gue keluar. di salah satu ruang kelas yang gue lewati ada guru bahasa inggris gue pas kelas X.
all of my english teachers, from grade X to XI, are included into my favorite-teachers list.
Mrs. Wina melihat gue, mengenali gue dan menyuruh gue masuk kelas. she's pregnant. again.
"how are you, sil? lagi ngapain"
"i'm fine, thank you.. lagi ngasih invitation, bu.." lalu gue menjelaskan sedikit tentang ECOMP.
tiba-tiba beliau menghadap kelas, "everyone, this is our alumni. say hi!"
"haaaaaiiiiii.....!!!" sahut anak-anak SMA itu.
"she was one of my good student. do you want to know her?"
wth&%#@!*
"yeeeeeeeesssss!!!"
"oke sil, introduce your self. and tell them about the competition.."

jadilah gue berbicara di depan anak kelas XI SMA tentang gue dan FH dan ALSA dan ECOMP.
it's nice that they're all listening. jadi berasa keren *narsis mode: on*

akhirnya setelah gue selesai, dibuka sesi Q&A *sumpah, gue ga ngerti banget sama Mrs. Wina*
lalu setelah semua beres gue pun pamit.

gue kembali menyusuri koridor-koridor SMA itu, senang karena beberapa junior ada yang menyapa, "teh sisil!" karena di sekolah gue itu isinya cuma kelas X dan XI sedangkan adik kelas paling bawah yang gue kenal adalah yang dulunya kelas X ketika gue kelas XII dan sekarang adalah kelas XII. jadi technically during my school times gue ga pernah ketemu sama yang sekarang kelas XI dan X, tapi mungkin mereka kenal gue dari JEDA (journalistic education of SMANDA) di mana gue adalah salah satu pendirinya *azek*

gue keluar, bertemu dengan satpam yang ga keliatan pas gue dateng, Om Nurdin.
"sisil.. putihan ya?"
*(&^#
oke gue dibilang putihan, itu lucu karna kulit gue selalu kaya gini.

lalu gue bertemu Pak Goeltom lagi.
"udah mau pulang kamu?"
"iya Pak. pamit yaa!"
"iya.. eh, kamu teh namanya siapa ya?"
&#$@)*%#!
ni orang, udah ngobrol panjang lebar nyambut-nyambut gue pula tadi, kirain inget nama gue -______________-
"sisil, pak.."
"bukan-bukan. nama asli kamu.."
"priscilla manurung.."
"NAH manurung! kalo nama aseli mah bapak pasti tau"
zzz
"haha, biasa ngeliatnya nama asli sih, ya, pak di TU?" gue ketawa sok asik.
Pak Goeltom ikut ketawa dan akhirnya gue pun pamit.

going back to your high school makes you feel young, somehow :)

new york.

2010-02-18T21:38:00.005+07:00

when do i get to see you again?

taken from rockefeller center
manhattan, new york
feb 2009

angin segar di sela penat.

2010-02-18T17:03:00.002+07:00

thank you for your support.
i didn't realize that it would mean a lot until you really said it :)

countdown.

2010-02-15T19:07:00.000+07:00

tepat H-2 bulan.

God, help me..

2 months away: screaming!

2010-02-13T22:17:00.004+07:00

it's been a while since i last posted. it feels like forever, but when i checked out the last post, it was only 5 days ago. weird.
so, brief about what i've been doing the last 5 days:

(more intense)
E-COMP preparations

that includes: funding, meetings, calling here and there, calculating budget over and over again, and other head-explode-making-things. and, jeez, i can't believe that E-COMP is only 2 months away! aaaa!!

this is funny, because it caused me stop doing some things i usually can't live a day without doing. like: facebook-ing, stalking on a particular person's fbook account, thinking about a particular person. oke, i know. FREAK!

by the way, we haven't got any sponsors so far. sad. some companies i put high expectations on rejected. double sad.
we also haven't got any media partner. i think one TV station is giving a pretty good sign. but let's just keep our fingers crossed. oh, and i met one of my uncles on a family gathering this afternoon. he works in one of the biggest TV station. i hope he can help. fingers crossed, again.

we already have a website. well, it's still under construction but at least when you give a click on it, www.alsaecomp.org, it opens.

next week's agenda: invitations are going to be spread to high schools and universities all over the nation. literally. from sumatra to papua. hope those invitation don't get lost in the middle of the way. amen.

one other thing, my health condition isn't doing very good. i've been shivering for the past two days, even when it's not so cold. and my throat, it feels "gatel". someone adviced me to take some suplements and vitamins. but i'm not sure what to consume.

hmm. have i also mentioned that there are muchos assignmentos waiting?

oh well. goodluck to me. good luck to ECOMP. pray for it, everyone!

alter ego.

2010-02-08T16:01:00.004+07:00

ah. kenapa gue jadi childish begini ya?
gue membuat orang-orang di sekeliling gue kaget.
gue salah?
gue ga boleh sesekali meluapkan emosi gue dengan spontan?
gue kenapa sih?

belajar bersukacita.

2010-02-07T17:43:00.007+07:00

seminggu pertama kuliah di semester 4 ini berlalu sudah . banyak banget hal yang terjadi. and i can't say those are happy things.. berawal dengan tidak diterimanya gue di suatu posisi pada organisasi yang sangat sangat gue cintai di FH.. kemudian tugas-tugas kuliah (meen! buruh, agra sama lingkungan langsung ngasih tugas masa).. kemudian pengeluaran gue yang jadi melonjak.. kepusingan-kepusingan ecomp.. laptop gue yang rusak, padahal data ecomp di situ semua..
bener-bener minggu penuh air mata. literally. i can't remember the last time i cried that much like i did this week.

hari ini gue kembali merenungi semua yang telah terjadi seminggu ini. how ungrateful i am.

2 hari yang lalu gue mampir ke aksara bookstore saat lagi ke citos. there was this quote book from Paulo Coelho's books, dan salah satunya menusuk banget:

"when everyday starts to feel the same, it means we have stopped noticing the good things that come to us each day"

ya. gue terlalu terlarut dalam kesedihan-kesedihan gue. gue terlalu sibuk ber-negative thinking dan berpikiran kalo gue sangat tidak beruntung. sangat sial. i didn't see the good things that happened to me. akibatnya gue jadi bete sendiri dan menutup mata pada kenyataan bahwa Tuhan sedang berusaha menunjukkan sesuatu sama gue. He has plans for me. better ones.

Bang Sam pada persiapan hati pelayan kamis lalu bilang:

"Tuhan ngasih ujian supaya kita naik kelas. kalo kita gagal melewati ujian itu, maka Tuhan akan terus ngasih ujian yang sama."

"Bagaimana kita bisa mendengar apa yang Tuhan katakan ke kita, kalo kita sendiri sibuk berbicara?"

kedua kalimat itu terngiang-ngiang di kepala gue terus. gue pikir-pikir, bener juga ya.. gue jadi dikuatkan. gue harus tabah, tetap mengucap syukur, terus bergantung pada Tuhan, dan berdiam diri. mencari kehendak-Nya yang sebenarnya dalam kehidupan gue.

dunia belom berakhir dengan tidak tercapainya keinginan gue. banyak kesempatan-kesempatan lain yang menunggu. banyak pelangi yang akan menghiasi langit gue. banyak sukacita dan berkat yang menanti. banyak! :D

mereka pikir mereka tahu.

2010-02-02T21:30:00.005+07:00

see?
bener kan, orang-orang nganggepnya gue sesedih itu karena gue terlalu ambisius dan ga mau nyobain sesuatu yang baru.
mereka nggak ngerti. mereka nggak tahu.

dan mereka sok tahu.

top two ceremonies.

2010-01-31T16:41:00.004+07:00

two ceremonies i love most:

wedding ceremony
and
graduation ceremony

wedding ceremony gives me the sense of "ah-so-romantic-happiness". it always make me believe that: yes. true love is somewhere out there. it also reminds me that one day i wont be living with my parents and brother and sisters anymore. so i gotta enjoy every chance i have with my family. even though sometimes they can be very annoying :)

while graduation ceremony.. hmmm.. it really encourages me to do better with my studies. every time i see the proud face on the graduates and their parents, it makes me feel like "wow, i want to have that look on my face too!" but it's also kind of sad because you're not going to be with all your friends you've been sticking with through good times and bad for the past 4 years.

okay. i don't know why i wrote this. but yeah, those two ceremonies are great!

happy birthday, me bestie :)

2010-01-27T23:43:00.008+07:00

ECSTATIC BIRTHDAY,
ZEFANYA YOYADA SIAHAAN!

gosh, i can't believe you're 20 already! tuaaaa! hehehe.

so.. a bit about my friendship history with anya, she is one of my very first friends in UI. we first met each other on the re-registration day at balairung UI. she sat like 2 or 3 chairs away from me and had this very jutek face (LOL and i still like to tease her, it's her default look!!). while queuing, i didn't know that she's going to FH as well as i am. after that photo taking thing in the balairung, FH seniors labeled the FH new students and that's when we first talked to each other.

the next day was the health check up day, and also the first day of matriculation class. we accidentally met at the PKM (Pusat Kesehatan Mahasiswa), both confused because the health check up starts at the same time when the matriculation class begins. being SKSD, i cheerfully walked to her (until now anya stubbornly says that back then i literally hopped to her) and asked how we could get to FIB where the matriculation thingy is taking place.

after the placement test for the english matriculation class, me and anya got into the same class! (class Q the best ever!) since then until this very day, we're inseperatable (lebay) like kopi susu!

so what did i give her today?
i made (underline that.. M A D E) something special for her.
here it is:

i'm not sure what this is called.
a photo collage?

some details:

happy birthday!

a pop-out rainbow

(not) secrets

none anya

a verse from the Bible!

for you!

being sick: the good and bad sides.

2010-01-25T21:24:00.002+07:00

nobody likes to be sick. you don't feel comfortable with your own body. and there are to much limitations. can't eat this food. can't do this. can't do that.

so i kinda felt tortured this day with this diarrhea. it got me going in and out the toilet. my mom made me drink this "teh kental". i asked her what that is because when i held that small glass with my two hands, it smelled awful! and she explained that it's a boiled leaf from a tree in the papua's forest. jeez, whatever.

but.. there is something i love from being sick at home.
like when tried to take some sleep, a few moments then my mom came in to my room (correction, me and my sisters' room since i dont have my own in that new house), she gently rubbed my feet. some nice and comfie feeling creeped into me. and she asked me in a very motherly voice how i am doing. something very very rare she does to me. she laid next to me and we talked for.. i dont know but must be more that an hour. it's nice to have a talk with her in a normal tone (yes, normal. i mean it. most of the time we're like shouting at each other, lol)

yeah, so.. thanks diarrhea for making my mom being a mom :)

realize-colbie caillat

2010-01-24T00:16:00.004+07:00

Take time to realize
that your warmth is crashing down on in
Take time to realize that I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you
No, it's never gonna be that simple
No, I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized, 
Then we'd be perfect for each other, 
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder,
If we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize,
Oh, oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
Take time to realize this all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you
No, it's never gonna be that simple
No, I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized, 
Than we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder,
If we missed out on each other oh

It's not the same
No, it's never the same,
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me halfway,
If you would meet me halfway,
It can be the same for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Than we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder..

Just realize what I just realized,
If you just realize what I just realized..
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now

Realize, realize, realize, realize, oh.

hey.. people are starting to realize.
aren't you?

pepatah lama.

2010-01-22T11:47:00.004+07:00

seperti pepatah lama mengatakan:

berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ke tepian
bersakit-sakit dahulu,
bersenang-senang kemudian.

AMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN.

semoga persiapan E-COMP 2010 lancar ya Tuhan..

are you?

2010-01-22T01:28:00.002+07:00

damn. and now i'm questioning this, again.

are you still in love with her?

cos i am with you..

midnight prayer.

2010-01-22T01:05:00.002+07:00

ya Tuhan..
cobaan apa lagi ini?
2 hari berturut-turut mendapat kabar ~~kurang~~ tidak menyenangkan.

tolong, Tuhan.. show Your way.

amen.

keeping secrets.

2010-01-20T15:49:00.004+07:00

even sometimes you keep your secrets from your best friend(s)..

filled with another.

2010-01-18T11:10:00.004+07:00

the same place
the same month
the same blue sky
and the same sound of the crashing waves
as the ones over a year ago.

it's just not your name anymore written on the sands.

after all those years,
glad that i've finally moved on from you.

stare a bit longer.

2010-01-15T21:56:00.002+07:00

you (wanna) know an interesting fact about a clear night's sky?

once you look up to it, it seems like there are only some stars hanging up there. but the longer you stare, the more stars you can see.

contemplate our lifes..
the more we think about it, the more beauty we can find in it.

inspired from carita beach
jan 14, 2010

fighting talk.

2010-01-15T21:39:00.000+07:00

Speaking different languages leads to misunderstanding, which leads to animosity, which leads to fighting.
There have been many wars in name of religion simply because people speak different languages.
Most religions are different ways of saying the same thing. But we hear things differently because we all speak different languages.
That is why we have misunderstandings and that is why we have wars.

We fight our neighbors because we don't understand them, not because we disagree with them.

-Paul Arden, God explained in a Taxi Ride

mundur maju.

2010-01-13T01:58:00.004+07:00

begini, nih, yang bikin bingung.

padahal gue udah sampe di titik berhenti berharap. titik di mana gue ga peduli. titik gue ga mau membuai diri gue dengan harapan-harapan bodoh. bikin GR diri sendiri.
sungguh. gue udah tiba titik itu. lelah dengan rasa penasaran itu. ketidakpastian itu.

lalu dia kembali muncul . maju satu langkah. kemudian maju satu langkah lagi. dan berdiri di hadapan gue.

jeez, mau lo apa sih?

just in time.

2010-01-08T20:47:00.001+07:00

see?
God answers our prayers just in time :)

thank you Lord, you're the best!

praying.

2010-01-08T16:48:00.002+07:00

"God will make a way when it seems to be no way.."

amen.

perenungan saya hari ini.

2010-01-07T22:09:00.003+07:00

"apakah saya sudah menjadi seorang pemimpin yang baik?"

gue bukan sapu!

2010-01-05T21:04:00.004+07:00

"maaf. gue bukan sapu, yang bisa lo anggurin di pojok ruangan dan baru lo pake saat lo perlu membersihkan puing-puing hati lo yang berserakan."

status facebook gue
05 januari 2010

kenapa gue bikin status begitu?
bagi pembaca setia gue (HAHA kaya ada aja, sil!).. pasti pernah baca postingan gue yang ini.

yeah. itu tentang cowo (maaf) brengsek tukang tepe tukang PHP ngebawa-bawa cewek (baca: gue) terbang ke atas.. trus tiba-tiba jadian sama cewek lain. oke. gue terdengar sangat lame. but that's what happened.

malem ini, tiba-tiba cowok itu nge-chat gue di facebook. nanyain kabar. ngajak jalan. bilang kangen. gue curiga besar. pas gue cek profile-nya (yang hampir ga pernah gue buka sejak gue nyadar that he's a total jerk), ternyata dia baru putus.

gila ya..
dulu lo tiba-tiba jadian sama cewek lain dan pergi gitu aja. hilang tanpa jejak.
dan sekarang tanpa perasaan bersalah secuil pun lo dateng lagi ke gue, as if nothing happened!

goooooooshhh. i so don't understand boys!

learning from axel.

2010-01-03T22:12:00.006+07:00

gue punya adik sepupu jauh (anaknya sepupunya nyokap gue). namanya axel. umurnya 2 tahun lebih beberapa bulan.
sekitar 2 bulan yang lalu, ada acara keluarga gitu di rumah gue. sepupu-sepupu nyokap gue pada dateng, dan ada si axel yang super ngegemesin itu. dan dia lagi belajar jalan.
itu lucu banget, karena jalannya masih rada sempoyongan. gue dari belakang ngeliat pantatnya menggal menggol dan kedua tangannya bergoyang-goyang. hahaha.
tapi axel berani terus melangkah. sesekali dia jatuh. kemudian bengong tiga detik empat detik. kemudian langsung bangkit berdiri dan kembali berjalan.

"oke, jadi maksud lo nulis ini apaan, sil?"

well, what i'm trying to say is.. life is just like that! like little axel who's learning to walk. on pursuing our dreams and goals we gotta keep on walking, learning, and sometimes we fall. sometimes we get hurt. and when we do we gotta pause, but only for a while.

di mana kita jatuh, di situlah kita harus bangkit. it's okay failing, but it's a must to never give up. to stand up and keep moving forward.

gue juga lagi belajar, kok, untuk bisa seperti axel. nggak terpuruk dalam kejatuhan gue. nggak diem-diem aja saat gue tau gue gagal. dan gue yakin semua juga bisa.

SEMANGAT TEMAN-TEMAN. 2010 BARU SAJA DIMULAI. always have faith :)

perahu kertas.

2010-01-03T21:21:00.004+07:00

"Bulan, perjalanan, kita.."

--Keenan

"Kenangan itu cuma hantu di sudut pikir. Selama kita cuma diam dan nggak berbuat apa-apa, selamanya dia tetap jadi hantu. Nggak akan pernah jadi kenyataan."

--Luhde

"..Hati kamu mungkin memilihku, seperti juga hatiku selalu memilihmu. Tapi hati bisa bertumbuh dan bertahan dengan pilihan lain.."

--Wayan

“Bagaimana kita bisa tahu kapan waktunya untuk menyerah, dan kapan waktunya untuk bertahan? ...Saya nggak mau jadi seperti Poyan. Atau seperti meme-nya Keenan. Sepuluh, dua puluh tahun dari hari ini, saya masih terus-terusan memikirkan orang yang sama. Bingung di antara penyesalan dan penerimaan.”

--Luhde

Kugy, kepala kamu akan selalu berpikir menggunakan pola ‘harusnya’, tapi yang namanya hati selalu punya aturan sendiri... Ini urusan hati, Gy. Berhenti berpikir pakai kepala. Secerdas-cerdasnya otak kamu, nggak mungkin bisa dipakai untuk mengerti hati. Dengerin aja hati kamu.”

--Karel

janji pertama di tahun 2010.

2010-01-02T21:54:00.004+07:00

baiklah.
gue baru membuka the most popular website for UI students, SIAK ENJIH (yes i can hear people clapping their hands).

gue menatapi IP dan IPK final gue untuk semester 3, setelah nilai 1 mata kuliah, akhirnya, di-publish juga.

turun.
lagi.

dari semester 1, ke semester 2, ke semester pendek, ke semester 3. turun.. turun.. terus turun.. sedikit sih.. tapi turun.

SAYA HARUS JAUH LEBIH SUNGGUH-SUNGGUH DALAM SEMESTER 4 INI!
SAYA BERJANJI.
SAYA HARAP TEMAN-TEMAN, SIAPAPUN, YANG MEMBACA POSTING INI, APA BILA ADA, SELALU MENGINGATKAN SAYA UNTUK TIDAK MALAS-MALASAN DALAM BELAJAR.

SEMANGAT!
:)

7 deadly sins.

2010-01-02T01:01:00.002+07:00

oke.
i''m downloading the soundtracks of 500 Days of Summer, and it's taking quite a long time.
so i blog-walked and found a 7-deadly-sins quiz.
here's the result!

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

beautiful as the fireworks and bright as the moonlight.

2010-01-01T23:08:00.012+07:00

gue mau bercerita sedikit bagaimana gue melewati malam pergantian tahun baru.

gue jalan-jalan naik mobil sama tante gue dan sama om gue dan sama sepupu-sepupu gue dari keluarga nyokap. jam 10 malem kita berangkat dari rumah om gue di bilangan tanah kusir trus melaju di jalan tol. entah mau ke mana. yang jelas om dan tante gue sama-sama mau hunting foto gitu. jadi mereka berdua udah siap sama kamera mereka masing-masing.

di sepanjang jalan, gue bisa melihat banyak fireworks dari kejauhan. beda-beda percikannya. ada yang bagus banget, ada yang biasa aja. kalo kata lawakan tante gue, ada kembang api 100 ribu, ada kembang api sejuta, dll.

kita ngelewatin (bukan "melalui") jalan tol yang mengarah ke TMII. buset, macet banget. untung kita ga kejebak di dalam situ juga. om dan tante gue memutuskan untuk ke arah ancol aja. gue sih ikut-ikut aja.
ternyata sama juga nasib kita kayak mobil-mobil lain yang menuju TMII. macet. stuck. tapi ga separah yang mau ke TMII sih.

deretan mobil dengan fireworks dari kejauhan

ternyata, mobil-mobil itu sengaja ngeberhentiin mesinnya karena udah udah 15 menit menjelang tahun baru. banyak yang turun ke jalan bahkan. kapan lagi turun di jalan tol hehe.
5 menit sebelum pukul 00.00, semakin banyak aja fireworks yang melesat. terus bertambah dan terus bertambah banyak. gue serasa lagi ngeliatin air mancur fireworks dari kejauhan. karena emang berderet gitu, satu-satu melesat ke langit malam, kemudian meledak. cantik banget. apalagi yang meledaknya di samping bulan purnama. super keren!

petasan di antara purnama dan lampu-lampu jalanan

gue cuma berdiri di jalan tol yang udah nggak kayak jalan tol itu. menatap langit malam tahun baru. langit pertama 2010. banyak fireworks berwarna warni yang menghiasi. tapi keindahan mereka hanya sesaat. hanya sekejap. lalu titik di mana mereka memancarkan keindahan itu segera kembali gelap, pekat.

gue berharap bahwa 2010 ini akan seindah fireworks yang gue saksikan, tapi gue nggak mau keindahannya hanya sesaat. gue berharap keindahan itu terus ada. tidak hanya melesat datang dengan cepat, lalu pergi dalam sekejap.

and someone told me: he believes that 2010 will not only be as beautiful as the fireworks that night, but also as bright as the moon light.

i do hope so :)

ECSTATIC NEW YEAR!

2010-01-01T21:25:00.005+07:00

wow.
my first post in 2010.

wow. is it really 2010 already?
wow.
wooow..!
*haha apasih, sil, mulai geje*

but really. i'm still kind of amazed that 2009 has already passed. a whole year. 365 days. i've been through all that much days. and now, another 365 days is waiting (hopefully).

i'm pretty much excited about 2010. why?
for many reasons!

i'm excited about my studies. i promise my self to be more strict on my self with those schools stuffs. yess, i know it's going to get harder. especially on the 5th semester when transnational law is going to be official for me as my major. but it's also exciting! i target my self to acquire GPA 3.5 and i really gotta work hard for it. especially because of..
ECOMP! big project I AM responsible of. of course there's a whole big committee helping. but like what people say: the success of an event belongs to all the committee, the failure of it belongs to the project officer. in this case: me! i'm pretty optimistic that it's going to succeed. amen!!
ALSA. this year, it is 2008's turn to become managers and vice managers. well, eventhough i haven't really figured out what position i'm going to apply, it's still exciting to know that i'm going to be involved deeper with this organization. i love ALSA already. and i'm planning to get to know the people from other Local Chapters, or even National Chapters! so, yeah, it's definetely going to be fun.
love life. hahaha. okay i don't want to talk much about this. one thing for sure, i wasted almost the entire 2009 waiting for someone. now i'm tired and i know i HAVE moved on :)
turning 20. LOL. most people, especially girls, are scared of turning 20. i am too.. a bit. but i think its gonna be great, not only being 20 but also growing. being more mature and better. it's a challange. and you know i love challanges :)

so.. this is it. 2010 lies upon me. i wanna embrace it with hope and joy and excitement!

ECSTATIC NEW YEAR, EVERYONE :D

P.S: i'm still working on my resolution. maybe next week i'll be done with it!

hukum internasional, oh, hukum internasional.

2009-12-30T03:06:00.002+07:00

gila banget.
mata kuliah yang paling gue tunggu-tunggu hasilnya, Hukum Internasional, sangat mengecewakan.
gue dianggap nggak ikut ujian karena tanda tangan gue nggak ada di absensi. padahal seinget gue, gue tanda tangan kok! dan, FYI, gue merasa gue paling berjuang semaksimal mungkin buat mata kuliah yang satu ini.

sigh
sepertinya gue memang sedang diuji nih. pertamanya gue sedih banget harus ujian lagi. nangis woy. mana gue lagi giliran jaga tim MCC Unsri lagi.. malem-malem dapet kabar begituan pas lagi di ruang moot court. tet-tot banget dah.

sampe akhirnya gue kesel. ya iyalah. secara, HIN tuh ujian pertama gue. paling pertama. dan dosennya, yang bilang sendiri ke gue di telfon, baru masukin nilai malem ini.
like, woooyy.. kemana aja bang 2 minggu ini???
yah. mungkin beliau memang sedang sibuk. tapi gue kesel! seandainya berkas nilai diurus dari berhari-hari yang lalu, seenggaknya gue punya banyak waktu untuk mempelajari ulang 7 bab sebelum ikutan ujian incomplete. dan ini baru dikasih tau malem ini, trus ujiannya besok siang. hm. masih untung siang, kalo pagi-pagi gue udah frustasi, kali.

sampe akhirnya gue diingetin sama teman-teman dan senior-senior, "mendingan dikasih ujian incomplete, sil, dari pada di-failed-in!"
lagi-lagi, beryukur...!

sampe akhirnya dibantuin belajar sama ka sarah yang kebetulan malem ini nginep di cornel. thanks ka!

bercandaan ka yodhie, "yaa, mungkin ini pertanda kali, sil, biar lo ga masuk PK 6 (program kekhususan hukum internasional-red)!"

trus gue bales, "justru ini maksudnya biar basic PK 6 gue lebih kuat, kak!"
azeg.

oh well.
SEMANGAT :)

BERSYUKUR!!

2009-12-29T11:14:00.002+07:00

ada satu nilai mata kuliah gue yang baru keluar lagi kemarin.
gue takut banget ga lulus mata kuliah yang satu ini, karena pas UAS yang 2 nomor terakhir gue zonk banget! ternyata gue lulus.. tapi dengan nilai yang (buat gue) tidak memuaskan sama sekali. ditambah itu untuk pertama kalinya gue dapet angka segitu. angka sampah, kalo kata nyokap gue sih.
sumpah gue bete banget. beberapa temen gue menepuk-nepuk punggung gue sambil berkata, "yaudah lah, sill. yang penting kan lo lulus. lo kan waktu itu takut banget ga lulus.." dan dalam hati gue cuma pengen bilang, "ya tapi gue juga gamau sih lulus dengan nilai segini!"

oke. sebenernya gue sampah juga. karena kalo kita melihat lagi ke belakang, sebenernya wajar gue dapet nilai segitu. gue nggak suka sama pelajarannya, dan ga pernah sekalipun di kelas itu gue duduk di depan. padahal biasanya di kelas pelajaran-pelajaran lain gue pasti duduk di bagian-bagian depan.

nggak lama kemudian, salah satu temen gue nelfon temen-temen yang lain dan nanyain nasib mereka di mata kuliah itu. dan ternyata, banyak yang nggak lulus.
yah.. di situlah gue jadi lebih bersyukur.

so. what my point is..

bersyukur. kita (termasuk gue juga) sering banget bersungut-sungut dan melihat sesuatu dari sisi jeleknya. why not looking at the bright side? pada saat kita mengeluh, dunia nggak bertambah baik juga. nilai gue nggak akan berubah jadi A, kok. cuma bikin hati panas dan mood nggak enak. dan buat gue pribadi, saat gue melihat orang lain yang tidak seberuntung gue (in this case: ga lulus), gue jadi lebih menghargai apa yang gue peroleh. don't get me wrong, bukannya gue berbahagia di atas penderitaan orang lain. tapi maksud gue adalah: terkadang kita memang harus melihat ke bawah untuk menghargai apa yang kita punya dan menyadari how blessed we are.
what goes around, comes around. kenapa nilai gue segitu? karena gue ga belajar dengan sungguh-sungguh. karena gue di kelas duduk di belakang terus. karena gue begini, karena gue begitu. yaudah, lo menuai apa yang lo tabur, sil!
jadikan kegagalan sebagai sebuah motivasi. klise.. tapi beneran deh, gue jadi sangat terdorong untuk menjadikan nilai-nilai pelajaran di semester 4 gue jauh lebih baik. gue kapok duduk di belakang ngobrol-ngobrol dan ga merhatiin pelajaran.

jadi, yaa. inilah pelajaran gue.
satu lagi, tadi pagi saat gue sate, bahan renungannya bilang: meskipun hidup ini adalah perjuangan, hidup ini juga adalah berkat.
jadi gue mau belajar melihat berkat-berkat yang selama ini "agak kasat mata".

SEMANGAT!! :)

better none than only one.

2009-12-28T00:55:00.002+07:00

pukul 17.15
setibanya di stasiun UI, hujan mengguyur deras. saya tidak membawa payung, hanya memakai hoodie tebal. kedua tangan saya membawa tas dan laptop. saya terpaksa duduk di bangku stasiun, berharap langit akan mengurangi tumpahan airnya.
saya menumpuk tas dan laptop di atas kedua paha saya, lalu menyilangkan kedua tangan di atasnya dan memeluk erat badan saya sendiri. mencoba menghangatkan diri. telapak kaki saya hampir mati rasa. air merembas ke dalam sepatu saya, dan saya sangat kedinginan.
saya hanya diam. menunggu, tidak melakukan apa-apa. tiba-tiba seorang bapak tua berpakaian lusuh duduk di sebelah saya. mata saya tertuju pada kedua kakinya, yang beralas sendal jepit kuning hanya yang kanan. yang kiri telanjang. sesaat setelah ia duduk, ia mengeluarkan sesuatu dari kantong plastik yang ia bawa. sebuah sendal jepit kuning. rusak. jepitannya putus.

bapak itu berusaha membetulkannya. saya terus menatapi, iba.
tidak tau harus berbuat apa tapi dalam hati berkata, "ah pak.. mana mungkin bisa dibetulkan tanpa lem atau benang.."
akhirnya bapak itu menyerah, memasukkan kembali sendal jepit kuning itu ke dalam kantong plastik hitam. ia lalu melepas sendal jepit kuning yang kanan dan memasukkannya juga.
sang bapak tua bangkit berdiri, menyusuri stasiun UI bertelanjang kaki. berjualan tissue.

from 15/love.

2009-12-27T15:07:00.002+07:00

if love is a game, it has to be the hardest game in the world.
after all, how can anyone win a game where there's no rules?

-15/love